Some things suck

I didn't go fishing after all.
I went to my favorite little hole-in-the-wall pool room to try and kick my best friend's ass in a few games of 8-ball. Yeah right. That's fighting a losing battle. He could beat me blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back!

So we're right in the middle of the first rack ... and this girl cranks up some tunes on the jukebox. The first song she plays .... is "Amazed" by country band Lonestar. Now, I'm not a country music fan. Quite the contrary. But my ex-wife was. And that's the song she picked to play at our wedding.

Three years ago, I stood in a little wedding chapel in Myrtle Beach, SC. I held my wife's hands in mine and stared into her eyes as that song played. It's a very long song. About 5 minutes. That was the most awesome and precious 5 minutes of my life. I didn't want it to end. Even months later, we would be driving around somewhere ... that song would come on the radio and both of us would choke up ... reach out and take each other's hand.

What went wrong?
Here it is 3 years later and that song makes me freakin' crazy. Makes me want to curl up in a ball on the floor. Go away for a while. Makes me want to cry like a little girl. And real men don't cry, right?

I just wonder if it's gonna be like this for me the rest of my life. Will I be brought to my knees when I'm 60 years old if I hear that song on an "oldies" station? And what about all those other little things that I see and hear and smell and taste and feel on a daily basis that remind me in some way of her?

I keep saying to myself over and over and over ...... "One day at a time." "One foot in front of the other."
But it's so hard, and I miss her so much, and I still love her more than life itself. And I'd forgive her in a heartbeat if she would just come back home.