An Impasse??

Well ....
Not much going on at the moment with my "renewed" relationship. I think we've kind of hit a wall, or a plateau .... or maybe an impasse. Maybe that's not the right word. Hmmmm ....

She is still dealing with the "other man" who just won't leave her alone and get out of her life. I know how he feels. That's the weird part. haha ....

We talked the other day and she said, "I need some room to breathe .... I don't have that ..... I'm dealing with you, with him, with the daughter .... everyone is telling me how to feel and how to live my life and it's driving me insane."

So I've backed off. Not out of the picture .... I mean, afterall, I can't disappear and let "monkey boy" take up all her time ..... she needs to know that I am serious and still care .... but if she wants/needs breathing room I'll give it to her.

She and Stacia came by last week and we had a good visit but I could see the stress on her. See it in her face, in her body language, in her speech ...... perhaps the only thing worse than being lonely and not having anyone to love is having too many people in your life!

Imagine that! hehehe

So for now things are kinda at a standstill. I want/need her to settle her own affairs and get her own house in order.

But I miss her and still love her and do want to continue to try and make something out of our salvaged relationship.

Patience may be a virtue .... but it can be a frustrating one!

;-)

Love is a many splendored thing .... and a many aggravations thing too!!!!

So here it is nearly a month since my last post ..... ahem ..... thank you for reminding me, Steve .... and things on the Todd/Tori front really haven't made much progress.

Well, actually that's not true. I do think we are closer now than we were a month ago. But we are still at the "friends" stage. And probably won't be moving from this stage for some time. But .... that's cool. When I said we were being tentative, and cautious and going into this very gingery, I wasn't kidding!

Not long after my last post, we spent most of a weekend together. Probably did the most intimate talking and sharing we've done since we began reconnecting. Tori looked deep into my eyes and said to me, "I want my husband back, and I want my marriage back."

And I believe her!

But it's just not that easy for her. I think she is dealing with a lot more grief and guilt and depression than I ever have .... and more than I ever knew or guessed. If I've got a trust issue to get over, she's got a guilt issue that is ten times as big as my trust issue. She's got to work it out. On her own.

Plus ... there's another aspect of the whole thing which has to resolve itself.

The other man.

The one I nicknamed "Monkey Boy" way back when.

Monkey Boy is not entirely out of the picture. Oh, they're not a couple. Haven't been for a while. But it boils down to Monkey Boy wants her back as much as I do. And is pretty darn upset about the whole thing going on with me and her.

So now Tori is getting it from both sides. Her husband and boyfriend both laying it on thick with the "I love you's" and promises and etc etc.

I think she came close to a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago. And that is the last thing I want to see her go through. I told Tori that she has to resolve the matter between her and MB once and for all .... and on her own. That I would not and could not get involved in that matter.

And she understands and is trying to do that. Once he is out of the picture entirely, we can move forward. But I can't really relax and enjoy this with the slightest idea that he is lurking in the shadows.

So there are several facets we are dealing with. Not to mention my adorable step-daugther, Stacia, who I love like my own child and has been putting the screws to her mom in her own way after figuring out what was going on with us! I think Miss Stacia is overjoyed at the prospect of Tori and I "getting back together" one day. So she's throwing her two-cents in every chance she gets and driving her mom crazy! LOL

I love that kid!!!!!!!!

Well ..... that's the short story for now. It's still good. The two of them came over to my house this past Monday and we had a great visit. I looove having them here and vice versa .... but it will work itself out little by little.

I'm just so glad to have her as a friend again. To have all the hate and animosity cleansed from my heart.

If it fell apart again tomorrow, I will know once and for all that is the way it has to be. And I will accept it with an open heart and nothing but love for her. That's what all this has brought me so far! A renewal in my heart and a letting go of a lot of bad things.

I'm happy.

I'll try and keep everyone more up to date!

love to all ........