Baby steps

Baby steps. That's what learning to be alone again is like. Taking baby steps. One foot in front of the other.
I went to the NASCAR festival in uptown Charlotte tonight. Gawd was is crowded. Insane.
It took me right at 45 minutes to walk about 6 blocks. Hot too. I wanted to hang out with a buddy from work and see Joan Jett. So crowded I never did find my friend. But Joan rocked. Very much so. I must say she's aging very gracefully. The den mother and original riot grrrrl is still kicking ass and still taking names!
Like I said in the last post, I kinda thought I might run into my ex. Didn't happen. She very well could have been there in the crowd but it would have been like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. Maybe it was better not to have seen her. I kept flashing back to a year ago this weekend. We went to the festival together. Along with her daughter and some of her friends, and my ex wife's best girl friend. We had a great time. Saw 3 Door Down. Now, a year later. My wife's gone away ... I never see my step daughter either. And my ex's best girl friend is gone too. She was killed in a car accident shortly after we split up. Strange how one year takes it toll.
I kept being reminded of that all night. Everywhere you looked, couples holding hands.
That's why being alone sucks when it comes to going out in public and doing fun things.
I'm really tired ... but I'm kinda afraid to go to sleep tonight. I know I'm going to dream about her. I do constantly. I dream as if we are still together. We always are in my dreams. I wake up and want to tell her about it. But she's not there.
Baby steps .... sigh ..... freakin' baby steps.
Problem is, I keep taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.