Weekend Plans vs. Being Broke

Well,
The weekend is finally here. Hurray! I'm kicking back at the computer, sipping on Crown Royal on ice, glad to be free for a couple of days.

So what do I do this weekend? Here's where the dilemma of the single man with no money comes into play! LOL I have a good friend, who I haven't seen in ages, playing with his band at Double Door at the Lake tonight. I would love to go see them play, but that will cost money to get in. And money for drinks. And money for food. Or, another friend ... a coworker .... is getting some folks together to go see the Checkers play hockey tonight at Cricket Arena. Always a fun time. But once again, money to get in. And money for drinks. And lots of money for high priced concessions.

Or, I can stay home and watch a DVD. And have a few drinks alone. Maybe cook me some pasta. Alone.

That is what sucks about being single and broke. When you're married and broke, at least you have your spouse for company. Staying home isn't all that bad when you have someone to stay home with.

Sigh. This is a dilemma I better get used to. With my pay cut, and the loss of my job looming, my days of going out on the weekends to movies, and pool, and bowling, etc ... are probably numbered.

Doesn't really do anything for dating prospects either. It sucks when you meet someone and you think to yourself, "Hmm ... I'd really like to ask her out. But wait, I have 4 dollars in my wallet till next payday. Where can I take a date for 4 dollars?" Answer: No where in Charlotte.

It's the ol' rock and a hard place. Work one lousy, low-paying job and you don't have any money left over to live after you pay the bills. But you got all the time in the world to sit there and do nothing. Work a second job, and now you have money to play with. But no time to do anything!
D'oh!

Oh well .... maybe I'll just go to bed early tonight, drag my carcass out of bed early tomorrow and drive up to the mountains for a little frosty, early-morning, sun-rising, trout fishing.
Brrrrr ....... makes me shiver to contemplate it.
But it beats sitting around all weekend doing nothing!

Close Encounters of the Ex-Wife Kind

Well,
She came over yesterday. Brought Stacia (my beautiful stepdaughter) and their brand new puppy. They were at my house when I got home from work around 3:30p. Quite the shock to the senses to see that familiar little red Chevy Cavalier sitting in the driveway when I pulled up.

They stayed for over an hour. All in all it was a good visit and a positive experience. As positive as it can be with her, I guess. I didn't invite them into the house. I've decided that from now on it's off-limits. I don't know why ... I just feel that way for some reason.

So we all three plopped down in the grass in the front yard and broke out the dog biscuits and chew toys and watched her pupply frolic with my dog and we talked ... and talked ... and talked ... etc.

I wanted to talk about "us" ... but with Stacia there, that was impossible. So we talked about mundane, everyday stuff instead. The weather .... work .... US Airways .... family .... and on and on. The conversation was surprisingly upbeat, though. I guess since Stacia was propelling it along with her usual upbeat, chirpy personality. So it was hard to get too down or maudlin with her there! LOL She is good for that.

The contrast in personality and "vibe" between Tori and Stacia was interesting. Stacia, as I said, was happy and cheerful. She sat down right next to me in the grass and basically loved all over me. She leaned on me ... hugged me .... giggled and carried on and acted like the lovable brat she is. It was as if nothing at all had happened. Like we were still the happy family of before, just out in the yard for a nice afternoon.

Tori, on the other hand .... I still can't get a handle on her lately. Something is definitely wrong. Something is eating at her. Just beneath the surface. You can see it, but you can't tell what it is. She just seems very unhappy and uneasy. Not very comfortable. I don't know if it's me ... or her boyfriend, or her family, or her job, or her kid, or all the above. But I am trying to figure her out. She just won't talk much about it. I've tried to bring it up a few times lately in phone conversations and she just "glides" over the topic and changes the subject.

I get very mixed signals from her. Yesterday, she looked fanatastic. She was still in her work clothes, so she was somewhat dressed up. Slacks and a pretty green top which she kept "falling out of" whenever she would bend over to play with the puppy. Hey, I'm human ... and a man .... so naturally I was staring .... and Stacia busted me once. That was pretty funny ... she just grinned real big and said, "Mom ... you're putting on a show." Tori acted real embarrassed and "fixed" everything. I couldn't help but wonder if that was intentional. Was she trying to embarrass me? Or maybe tease me? Make me jealous? Or make me want her? Who knows ...
It's just not real obvious for some reason.

Maybe time will tell.

But I was very proud of myself. When they left, I got a hug from both of them. And a promise to be back soon from Stacia. And they drove off and I went back in the house alone, like so many times before. But I didn't freak out. I didn't cry ... or break down ... or reach for the bottle ...
I just went about my business and tried to figure out what's making Tori tick.

Such mixed feelings. I still love her. That much is undisputable. And I still desire her. I found myself staring down her shirt and thinking about all the "stuff" we used to do .... and it actually turned me on!
But .... I still don't know if I could ever trust her enough to ever try it again. I keep thinking about that. What would I do if she came knocking one night? And wanted to talk .. and wanted to try it again? And wanted to make love?
Would I just cave in and jump back in feet first?
Or would I err on the side of discretion?
I hope the latter.

I'm pretty sure it would be the latter.

How interesting the changing dynamics are .... how very interesting .......