I got da blues today ..................

"Old feelings die hard."

It's an old saying ... an old adage really. But it's oh so true. Sometimes those old feelings just hang on and hang on and just when you least expect it, they sneak up on you and surprise you with their power.

Tori and Stacia rescued a little puppy last week that had appeared in their front yard during a thunderstorm. So they brought the little fellow in, cleaned him up, fed him and went about the task of finding him a new home.

Naturally they called me.

I have one dog ... which is more than enough for me. Believe me. But being the nice guy (ie: sucker) that I am, I agreed to do some legwork and try to help them adopt out the poor little guy.

None of this would mean anything, really, except that all the activity involved with this little stray dog has meant that my ex and I have had numerous phone conversations in the last week.

More than I would like.

If she calls me once every few weeks and we chat for a few minutes and hang up, it's no big deal. I can go on my merry way and go about my business as if she doesn't matter to me at all.

But when that one phone call turns into two or three or more .... then it all starts back up again.

All the old feelings.

All the old yearnings.

All the old hurts.

And they don't go away again quick enough.

I swear I haven't heard a sad song in weeks until Tori called me last week. Ok ... maybe I just haven't been noticing the sad songs on the radio. Or the love songs, for that matter. But this past week I have been afraid to turn on the radio in the car because all I hear are love songs and heartbreak songs .... and at a gas station Saturday I actually heard that song for the first time in a long, long, time .... "Amazed" by Lonestar. Our wedding song. The one which still lumps my throat and drags the tears up out of the corners of my eyes to this day.

It's embarrassing when you're standing there trying to pump gas at a crowded PetroExpress and the p.a. system is blaring your wedding song and you're misting up behind your sunglasses and trying to keep your shit together.

Sigh.

A year and a half later I still miss my wife.

Sometimes I think I'll miss my wife for the rest of my life.

In some small way.

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I miss my wife.

I got da blues today ................