Paperwork to do

I haven't posted in ages. I guess I need to get back into it. Sometimes I just get busy at life .... which can be a good thing.

Well ......... I've finally started the divorce process rolling. I have retained a law firm and have the paperwork in my hand to start a no-contest divorce.

Finally, once and for all, I can wipe the hateful bitch out of my life forever.

So why aren't I happy?

Why did getting the package in the mail from Carrigan Legal upset me so much and send me into one of my week-long funks?

Why have I started obsessing again about the woman who hurt me more than any other person ever, and who I owe no allegiance or love whatsoever.

Why have I dreamed about her/us 3 nights this past week?

Why did my trip to Rooms To Go the other night .... just to look at entertainment centers ..... leave me sitting in my car in the parking lot in tears? Rooms To Go was where we bought our new living room suit back in summer '03 .... before the shit hit the fan .... before the "dark times" .......
Just walking into the store brought back wonderful memories of bouncing up and down on sofas ..... oohing and ahhing over lamps and endtables ..... and both of us being so excited when the delivery truck pulled up the next day.

How did we go from that to her having an affair and leaving me in less than 6 months?

And now over a year later I'm sitting here still not over her.
Still hurting.
Still loving her .....
And still hating her more than I've ever hated anything on God's green earth.

Hopefully by the time summer rolls around my divorce will be final.
And maybe, just maybe .... I will get some tiny semblance of closure.

Paperwork to do ...............
Lots of paperwork to do ..............