I'm Having a Bad Night

Did good for a week.
As usual, it didn't last. I got up this morning and for some reason was depressed just as soon as I opened my eyes. I have spent the entire day thinking about my wife. All day long ... nonstop. I tried to stay active today, but it didn't help. I went fishing with my buds ... then we went and shot pool. Then I went to Big Lots and then to eat. But I just couldn't get her out of my head. I still can't.

The one bright spot came when I got an email from Tori's Grandmother Arlie out in Iowa. I have not talked to her since Tori and I split up, and I have really missed her. I sent her a reply back and she sent me one back. So we're catching up on things and kinda unloading on each other, because she's going through some tough times herself. Her's are heath-related. I think about her all the time and love her like my own Grandma.

Why do we hang on so hard to someone who has wronged us so bad? The fact that Tori left me for another man .... and most likely commited adultry in the process .... should be enough to make me hate her forever. And want to wash my hands of her. Forever.

But I keep clinging on and keep asking the Lord for help. Either way. Either bring us back together, or make her go away out of my life and out of my head and out of my dreams. That's why I'm so afraid to go to sleep at night. Because I can't stop dreaming about her.

I still love her and I wish I didn't!