Missing her

In the last week, I really feel like I have turned a corner. Much of the anger and frustration at my wife has gone. Through the simple process of learning to forgive. And I still have work to do.
The one constant, though ... is that I still miss her so much. That part hasn't changed at all. It may have gotten worse. Twice this week I dreamed about her as if we were still married. Then I woke up in the morning to my empty bed. And my freakin' heart just started breaking all over again.
All the little things that used to annoy me so much just seem so insignificant now.
The shoes all over the house and piled up by the front door? I'd love every pair because they were on her precious feet. The pile of dirty clothes that layered the floor on her side of the bed? I'd roll around in them now ..... If I had the chance .. because they smelled like her. The 200 towels in the bathroom, because she needed one for her hair and one for her body and one for her feet and one for her face ....lol .... I'd stand there now by the shower curtain and lovingly hand her each one when she stepped out of the shower.
And those are just a few of the little things.
So little ... and yet so very big in my memories and in my heart.
Why oh why ... Lord .....
Why does God bring two people together, make them so happy, and then watch them tear each other apart?
I didn't know it was possible to be surrounded by people ... by family and friends and coworkers .... and still be so lonely.
Lonely for the one person in my life who ever completed me.
Tori ... If you're reading this ... and I'm sure you're not .......
I love you and need you and miss you and forgive you and just wish you'd come home.