Rainy days, forgiveness and sad songs

My first day back to work since Friday. I took a couple of days off just for a little rest and relaxation. Nothing wrong with that. Lord knows I needed it. I was given a job which kept me very busy today, which was good. For some reason, my mind seems to wander the most at work. I'm usually more depressed there than I am even at home. Which is weird. Home is where all the reminders are. Where all the memories are.
So luckily, I was busy so I didn't have a whole lot of time to think. I guess that's good. Rainy days always make me melancholy anyway, I didn't need any help.
I've been thinking about forgiveness pretty much nonstop since Sunday. I've decided it's the whole key to my recovery. I was doing good until I heard about the boyfriend almost a month ago. That set the whole depression thing off. Anger. Anger at her. At him. At certain of her friends who I know played roles in the whole mess. Anger even at myself for not doing the right things when I had the chance. Had I not gone into such an internal rage, I wouldn't have plummeted into the depressed state I've been in.
So how to get rid of the anger? FORGIVE. That's so much easier said than done. That old adage "Forgive and forget." Sometimes it's easy to forgive, but not to forget. Sometimes you forget but never really forgive deep down inside.
I'm not sure where I stand on the forgetting. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I simply have to forgive her to move on. To heal. But should I forget?
Or always remember as an example of how not to do it in the future? To remember the pain so as not to ever inflict it on another?
I've got to work on it gradually and in my own time. Stumbling towards the answer little by little. A cut on your finger doesn't heal over night. It takes time. A cut to your heart doesn't heal any easier.
So what's the deal with country music anyway? This little poolroom I hang out at has a very eclectic jukebox. Everything from raging heavy metal, to Mississippi blues and country twang. On any given night, you'll hear all of the above. Tonight, I'm shooting a little 8-ball with my bud, Skip. Some song by some country artist .. I have no idea who .. a man .... the chorus went something like "I remember ....." Anyway, it was the saddest freaking song I have ever heard. A guy sitting around alone aching for his lost love. Going back over all the memories of when their love was good. My freakin' life in a song. Ever notice, when you're depressed or sad, every other song you hear on the radio or jukebox will make you cry? I wish I was a better songwriter .. I would have a goldmine of songs from this year in my life.
Forgiveness.
I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. I've had the one for almost 10 years now. I always said I would get another one some day. Maybe something having to do with forgiveness. It's my new motto.....my catchphrase .... my purpose.
Forgiveness is damn hard, people!