Wow, it's been a while

I can't believe it's been this long since I posted here. When I first started "My Voice", I imagined myself posting updates every day. Maybe more than once a day.

But life gets in the way of everything. Even suffering. LOL .... I have been so busy lately, that this blog just keeps getting pushed to the back burner.

That is good in a way .... it means that the good days are starting to outnumber the bad .... but it also means I am neglecting a very valuable part of my therapy. I'll try not to let it slip for so long next time.

I have been doing pretty darn good for the last couple of weeks. Until today. I got a great nights sleep last night, woke up early and generally had a good day at work. Until I got home. And for some reason my wife just slammed into my brain with no warning and parked her ass there all night. I have been replaying things and events over and over all night. What I would have done differently, things I would have changed, not said ..... etc .... Even though I know it's too, too late .... and dwelling on these things won't change a thing or bring Tori back into my life.

2 steps forward, 1 step back. Always pushing forward, but always sliding back a little too.

It's so hard. I still wash tears down the drain in the shower some mornings. She's still the very first thing I think about every morning when my alarm goes off. And usually the last thing I think of as I slide beneath the sheets at night. I don't know when I'll ever get past that.

But I have faith. It sustains me. A little at a time. Through the good times and bad.

But oh God, I still miss her every day and I still love her every day. And I still forgive her for all she did to me .... and I wish I could make her realize it ........